Blogging Out the Sloth

“Sloth is what I used to call myself. I have always been too lazy to keep up with a journal or a diary. I’ve wasted a couple of notebooks since elementary thinking that each new one will actually be continued. How wrong I was. I never had the time or the determination to keep each moment alive. As I had long predicted, I shall always regret this simply because there are so many memories I wanted to keep alive.”  These words sprang at me when I opened my Vox account which is similar to Blogspot except for cooler features. Suddenly, it all came back. This was part of my very first blog. Keeping a cyber journal seemed to stitch my life back in place. It’s true that I’ve often tried to write entries in my diary as I grew up. I cannot deny as well that I’ve been throwing away notebooks out of disappointment. All I have to show now is my misery for having left a part of my life unrecorded. Nowadays, I enjoy surfing the internet a lot. You should have seen my face when I first learned about blogs. As I read the past entries in my personal yet cyber journal, a sense of delight and pride overwhelmed me. I had forgotten about the things I said and the stuff I did. I felt glad that I finally overcame that feeling of giving up. In a sense, I realized that this wasn’t only in my passion as a journal keeper. Giving up isn’t in my daily planner or in my to-do list.   When I was a kid, I gave up easily at the sight of defeat. Poke me in the back and I’ll attack you. If you’re stronger, I melt by my own will on the floor. When I entered high school, I was shocked. The expectations they asked of me rose sky-high. Having a family of achievers didn’t help reduce my anxiety. My mother is an instructor at my school though at a different department. Everywhere I went, people knew my name. They know very well about my mother and sister’s admirable reputation. I had to be perfect. There was no room for mistakes. Being in the pilot class, I felt as though I had to compete with my fellow classmates. Well, that was how I used to think. After all, I was just a freshman. I didn’t know any better. My classmates became my best friends. Every single one of them became precious to me. After 3 years of being together, I felt myself change. I didn’t have to work so hard to earn the best grades. I didn’t have to please anybody by changing my attitude. I didn’t need to feel depressed every time a teacher erroneously called me by my sister’s name. I just had to be myself. That was all. I was thrilled. When I reached my junior year, I knew my efforts paid off. I can’t recall the last time when someone addressed me with a name other than my own. I heard my mother say that she has never been this proud of me. My sister was so happy because I was able to do something she had never done in high school. I became the top of my batch. To my relief, I didn’t become a nerd along the way. I retained a social life as well maybe even a little love in between. This was something I learned from my sister. Read all the books you want but return to reality and enjoy life. Maintain balance or forget everything. High school wasn’t a breeze and the future isn’t only a drizzle. Inspiration, just like in writing, is a key tool in life. The thrill of performing with my club, the Dulaang Kumbento, made me look forward to the school year. The thrill of writing made me reminiscent often. Preserving memories in my online journal made me realize how much my life is truly worth. Actually, blogs saved my life.   I realized that I shouldn’t cry over spilled milk which in my case is my lost memories. I still have a full life ahead of me. I can only prove that I am really a sloth if I have this thought in my head and yet I didn’t even bother to record it. If I was able to find a way to combine my interests, my passion and my inspiration through blogs, I know that I can definitely do the same in my life. If I am able to overcome my fears and weaknesses in high school, what stops me from doing the same for the rest of my life?  Giving up won’t be an option. It is only a pitfall to snare those who are too indolent or apathetic to strive. After all it’s your attitude and not your aptitude that determines your altitude. You may say that again really fast a zillion times but keep that thought in your head forever like I will.   >> admission’s essay to ADMU                                                                                        

~ by erulisse123 on April 4, 2008.